Clif-Notes: Knights of Badassdom

In order to help mend his broken heart, Hung and Eric (Peter Dinklage & Steve Zahn) trick their friend Joe (Ryan Kwanten) into their big weekend of LARPing (Live Action Role Playing for the novices). While casting a spell in order to get Joe's character into the game, they find that the book used is actually filled with spells and an evil succubus is summoned. What follows is hilarity as any geek would love it.
Evil Dead, combined with Fan Boys with an ending that would give Tenacious D a run for their metal money, this movie was awesome. It wasn't brilliant. It has some pretty cheesy moments and the effects were a little hokey and Syfy-ish but it had down pact the feeling of geekdom and how things are looked at. As a proud geek, I say with the fullest of confidence that we take things a little too seriously at times and this movie doesn't stray from that. And it's not done with malice or even the greatest of intelligence, which is probably exactly how most of us would understand it the most. It doesn't have the greatest ratings across the boards (5.9 on IMDB and a 56% on Rotten) and I honestly understand why some people wouldn't like it. I am not one. I laughed and cried and wanted to change my life with every scene. Well, maybe not but I did laugh and I thoroughly enjoyed myself the entire movie and that's the greatest thing that any movie can do.

NB of the Week

-WELCOME TO THE SPOILS, PAL-

Justice League United #0 - Justice League Canada: Part 1 (of 5)

Written by Jeff Lemire
Drawn by Mike McKone

Remember when DC was gonna give Canada their own Justice League team? Well, this is what happened with it. Throw in some space adventures and a home base in the Great North, and you know get Justice League United.
While at a fan convention of some kind, Animal Man and Stargirl are approached by Dr. Adam Strange, a local university professor and anthropologist. Turns out he needs their help after a dig went wrong. He and and "associate" (comic code for Lady Lover) had come across some weird skeletons. Bones that were not of the earthly kind. But before they knew it, his associate was suddenly beamed outta there. Now he needs the duo's help to find her.
As they follow him to the dig site, they are quickly attacked by aliens (thus confirming even more his story). In pop Green Arrow and Martian Manhunter after it turns out that Stargirl had called on her former teammates (former? Yeah, since Forever Evil still isn't finished, we have no idea why) for help. After stopping the attack, Manhunter and Arrow find that the alien's secret lair has been buried beneath them this whole time. As they prepare for an even bigger fight (as comics tend to setup), one of the aliens escapes, bringing us to their big boss as he says their plans are already in motion and gives us his name: Lord Byth.
Meanwhile and elsewhere, Strange's associate is imprisoned and being given to new, Pretty-Boy Lobo. As she tries to create an uprising amongst the others, she is joined by only one other who is willing to fight Lobo: Hawkman. How he was ever captured, I have no ides yet but that's a fight I can't wait for.
Here's the honest thing about this - DC kinda sucks. Their New 52 stuff has been mostly bust for me so another League book being launched wasn't the most exciting thing. Except they put Lemire on it. Not only has he been able to make such duds as Green Arrow and Animal Man awesome again but after reading his Sweet Tooth, he has my support in most anything. Yes it's an early start to this series but it's a very promising start and I look forward to reading it for hopefully a good while.

Trailer Watch: The Grand Seduction

The Doc Hollywood comparison comes strait to mind. I'm not sure that this will be a great movie but I feel like I could really get behind it.

NB of the Week

It may feel like a small week but that's only because it was.

Wonder Woman #30
We get a smaller, lead-in issue to what we know is going to be a huge battle. Wonder Woman has to find a way to gather her troops behind her cause while First Born is still trying to conquer the rest of the Gods now that he has Olympus. Awesome, awesome stuff from Azzarello.

Witchblade #174
Sara Pezzini reunites the two parts of the Witchblade as she defeats the Angelus. There is still a large mystery as to how it happened (not to mention how the Darkness is apparently dead) but Image does claim that all will be revealed and that "good things come to those who wait". Marz back in the book is definitely a huge bonus for the title.

Ultimate FF #1

After Galactus nearly took out the Ultimate-verse, a new Future Foundation has taken the empty place that defunct-SHIELD left. The team now includes Sue Storm, Falcon, Iron Man and X-51. Oh, and the return of the original Doom. Good luck with that guy, FF.

Justice League #29
Cyborg, with the help of the Metal Men, shuts down Grid and plans to help free the League now... Is Forever Evil over yet?

Thor: God of Thunder #21
Roxxon attacks Thor where it hurts the most: Broxton. As they buy up all the land and begin to pollute everything, Thor is helpless as a restraining order prevents him from nearing the place. Very well written stuff but a little on the boring side this story. Thor vs Big Business Pollution is not the most exciting thing.

Winter Soldier: The Bitter March #3
Winter is a bad mother Shut-Yo-Mouth. Shen tries his best to not die again as Winter proves just how deadly he is. However, electricity is undoing his brainwashing. Will he remember Cap and his history? Well, not for long if he does since we know what happens after all this. But damn good story.

NB of the Week

-WHERE DID CAPTAIN AMERICA LEARN TO SPOILS A CAR?-

Iron Fist: the Living Weapon #1 - Rage: Part One
Written & Drawn by Kaare Andrews

The Dragon returns in a new ongoing series from the extraordinary Kaare Andrews. And if you ever read his
Spider-Man: Black Reign, you know what kind of flare he can bring. However, the Rand we get is a bit of a downer. The issue does a great job of retelling his origin with a little more spunk thrown in but Danny seems pretty mopey. He seems like a hero lost. Somebody how isn't as happy as the last time we saw him but not quite to the emo-dancing-Spidey we all remember from Spidey 3. He is a man who feels haunted by his father and his legacy and ultimate fall. As Rand tells a reporter his story, we get a little change in that his father, on his quest for the city of K'un Lun, is a bit obsessed. To the point of crazy, as Danny tells it. In fact, it's those same crazy eyes that he now has. As he stands over his penthouse (I assume penthouse) window, staring at the corporate name his father left, he is attacked by undead ninjas. The worst possible kind of ninjas. The fight here is pretty badass as he fists the hell outta them (yes, I used just the words I wanted). Turns out they came after looking were looking for a little girl. As Rand thinks he's won, in walks the little girl. She falls to the ground, arrows impaled over back, telling Rand that he must return to K'un Lun.
Iron Fist can be an amazing story, as Brubaker and Fraction have proven. This story, while a little "simple" in it's initial premise, feels like it's bringing him back to that. He's powerful and dark and slightly brooding right now but it all fit together so nicely that I don't mind if he's mopey. What I do know is that I want more Fist, more ass kicking and more Kaare Andrews doing it. Marvel may have the next big book on their hands.

NB of the Week

-Just call me The Rock cuz you're getting the Rundown!-
(yes, I know how bad that one was but I couldn't find anything better. Sue me)

Inhuman #1
After the events of Infinity (last year), the Terrigen mists have been released upon the world. What that does is change anybody with an Inhuman gene into an Inhuman. If they're lucky. But not all societies of the Inhuman culture are happy with it. Charles Soule does a pretty decent job of taking over from the brilliant Matt Fraction as writer. Not much past set-up but a solid start.

Starlight #2
Duke McQueen is not 40 years older and out of shape since he save Tantalus and now some kid wants him back because they're in even bigger trouble now. Hero epics don't get any more basic than this and Millar's pulling it off wonderfully. Now we just hope Duke survives this time around.

Artifacts #36
Apparently Ron Marz is done writing this book and every issue gets worse and worse. I think it's time to drop this one. Oh, and Tilly comes across an equation that is making people kill. Yay.

Earth 2 #22
Alan Scott is back and more pissed off than ever. Too bad those first pages telling us that are all wee see of him. Meanwhile, Superman attacks Batman and the others. As he goes for the new, young Kryptonian (a Zod...), Lois reveals herself to him to his big surprise. End of Issue. Again, not much progress but a good issue.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Prelude #1
Turns out Nebula is a big ol' failure. Gamora, Korath and herself are agents of Thanos and after an Orb that he really, really wants. Only she fails to get it. I assume this is what we see Quill take in the trailer and if these guys all want it, Thanos can't be too far behind.

Ultimate Spider-Man #200
As a lead into the new Miles Morales: Spider-Man series, we get what would be the 200th issue is Ult Spidey (with some mini series trickery I don't agree with). Bendis uses it beautifully as all the characters join to remember the like of Peter Parker and what he meant to them. Only (AND SPOILS BE FOLLOWING) it looks like he may be back as on the last page of the issue, we see what looks likes the back of Pete as he watches everybody leave his Aunt's home. Guess dead isn't so dead in the Ultimate-verse.

Captain America #19
Not much here but still really awesome as Cap attacks Mindbubble and Iron Nail. He gets the upper hand of Nail but by the end, falls prey to Mindbubble's mind bubbles. Hopefully Cap can get back to basics and start kicking ass again. My bet's on that happening.

Trailer Watch: The Drop

James Gandolfini, Tom Hardy. I'm in.

Karma Is A Fickle Mistress

I recently became Facebook pals with a guy I went to school with. Cool cat. Was one of the popular kids but never treated me like most the other popular kids did. However, he still at least semi keeps in touch with them through the Book of Face which struck against me the other day.
As I was looking through a list of the many likes he had on a post (still popular after all these years), I came across the name of one of my many bullies from the day. Now, many years ago I decided I was done caring about this people and what they had to say about me and with that came the honesty of saying that I was bullied. Not always an easy thing to say. I never said it through school and if my family reads this, it's probably the first they're hearing it. School was awful. I had friends literally tell me I wasn't cool enough to be friends with them anymore. I was called every name under the book for no apparent reason. I would fake sick at times just so I wouldn't have to face these people if only for a day. The worst part, though,m was likely basketball. I made the team all three years in junior high and made the JV team in high school. I was the very obvious, odd man out. I wasn't cool, just tall and loved the sport and the others couldn't get that. Every practice was filled with ridicule and torment. I was told by teammates and others alike that I didn't deserve to be there. Thankfully it was mostly all verbal throughout the years. There were some physical things as well but never anything to the degree of getting beat-up, just small hits and shoves and the likes.
So this name I came across on Book, he was there in jr high as part of all this and even after going to separate high schools, he and his friends were still throwing the word jabs when our schools played. For many years, I was just hoping that the myth called Karma would catch up to them all, especially him. So I clicked over to his page hoping to find a fat, balding man who was working on his third marriage. Instead I find a handsome, muscular, seemingly successful and happy man with an above average wife.
Of course.
I know it may make me look cruel, but I was a little hurt to see him doing so much better than myself. In one moment, I was sixteen again and wanting to curl up in bed, pretending to be sick. But I hope he is finally deserving of it all, I really do. As hard as it may be and as much as I still carry around all that hell I went through, I forgive him. I forgive them all. Whether they were products of other environments themselves or if they came to grow as people and changed their ways or if it's just that they don't deserve my attention in any capacity (this post kinds contradicts that though), I won't hold any hatred towards them. Their names may still cause me to shiver and they may be living better lives than I am but I won't regress myself to those levels.
I will, however, not be liking anything I see from them on Facebook.

NB of the Week

-THINK A SPOILS IN THE HEAD MIGHT INTERFERE WITH THEM MORE-

Comics arrived a day late but never a dollar short...

All-New X-Factor #5
Written by Peter David
Drawn by Carmine Di Giandomenico

After saving Danger from the clutches of Nil (of Thief Guild fame), the team brings her aboard as the newest member and just in time. A new face in the billionaire league, Lemar Smaug (no relation to the dragon and yes, that connection was made in the comic), wants to meet with Serval CEO Harrison Snow. Snow believes this to be a meeting of him buying out Smaug but Smaug has the opposite in mind. As Snow brings in Factor to introduce, Danger throws a wrench into things as she informs everbody that she is not the only one who isn't human: Smaug has no readings of a human. Turns out that is because Smaug is really the Magus (of Technarchy fame). As the team begins to fight (and it was a pretty awesome fight), Magus is able to escape after bringing out his secret weapon: his son, Warlock (of New Mutants fame). Which distracts well enough because Technarchy ruling is based on father/son killing each other. Magus hates his son and wants him dead. Or does he? There's only one person to go to when you need absolute knowledge of Warlock: Doug Ramsey (of Douglock fame).
As it was with the old X-Factor, Davis has made this X-Factor one of Marvel's best reads in it's short lifespan. I mean, he makes me excited for Warlock and Ramsey. Who the hell could pull that off?! Peter David, that's who. All-New X-Factor will likely never be one of Marvel's best selling titles but it's worthy of it. Far more than many other titles that outsell it.
(Also, David is about to launch an all new Spider-Man 2099 series so at least Marvel realizes how dedicated his fanbase is)

Child of the 80s

And they still make me believe it every time I hear it (1986)

NB of the Week

-AS I EXPECTED, I CAN'T SPOIL ALONG WITH ANYONE TODAY EITHER-

Wonder Woman #29 - King of Ashes
Written by Brian Azzarello
Drawn by Cliff Chiang

I know that I end up harping my favorites a lot here but that's what happens when dealing with favorites: you tend to like them the best.
Last issue saw everybody (sans Hera), in one way or another, making their way to Olympus where we also saw First Born break free of his chains and go after Apollo. The issue ended with Apollo seemingly sacrificing himself in order to stop First Born from claiming the throne. This issue starts with two pages of Hera being struck by a green meteor (yes, just like in Meteor Man). We quickly leave to find Hermes and Moon finding the scent of Zeke and taking off. From them, we head to Wonder Woman and Cassandra as they crash their... giant plane craft is what I guess it is... on Olympus where they find themselves meeting up with Hermes and Moon. All are shocked to see it in ruins and First Born standing proud, fleshless. All try to stop him from taking the throne but it seems futile. Until Hera returns. Apollo's sacrifice also gave Hera back her Godhood and powers. She zaps them all out of there, returning them to Paradise Island. Being human and still protected by Wonder Woman has humbled her immensely and to try and apologize, she has changed all her sisters back from snakes (her mother's fate is not yet revealed). Wonder Woman has her army.
"Olympus lies in ruins, claimed by a mad god. Warriors, I ask you to join me in a fight to reclaim heaven. Follow me... Not as your princess... But as the God of War!"
Azzarello has said that his run is coming to an end with this war for Olympus that has been building the whole time and as sad as I am to see him go, I'm certainly excited to see his ending to it. Two and a half years later, he has continued to make Wonder Woman the best book DC is publishing. It's taking chances and reaching for new stories and giving it a voice that makes it stand over all the others. I can only hope that DC is smart enough to put Azzarello on another book after this run because this is a talent that is too damn good to not utilize.

Boobs of the Day

Elizabeth Olsen
Ever wonder what the Olsen Twins would look like if they stayed sober and were hot? Well no need to because we have their little sister, Elizabeth Olsen. After watching the American remake of Oldboy (much better than I was lead to believe but nowhere near as good as the original) and getting some good shots of her skin-bubbles, I am even more excited to see her as Scarlet Witch in Avengers 2.

NB of the Week

I should probably see a doctor for how often I get these RUNS.....

All-New X-Factor #4
Nil's secret weapon has been released and she/it is pretty pissed at him. Danger is let loose as she tries to kill Nil and anyone in her way. As Factor does it's best to slow her down, it's difficult when she can just load herself into any machine. Thankfully, a well placed kiss from Gambit opens up a few memories and she stops just in time to join the new X-Factor (and it's Gambit so a kiss makes sense in this instance).

All-New X-Men #24 ("All-New" is the new, hip thing)
Part 5 of the Trial of Jean Grey finally gives us some action to join Brian Bendis' dialogue. After J'Son stops the trial of Young Jean long enough for her to escape, Gladiator and the Shi'ar warriors square of with the Guardians and the X-Men, thinking they're behind it. Before too long, Young Jean shows back up, claiming that she is, in fact, guilty for the crimes of the Phoenix that she hasn't actually committed yet.

Witchblade #173

Sara Pazzini has been suspended from work after the last debacle and isn't taking it sitting down but before she go the verbal rounds with her ass of a boss, the Angelus lands down and she wants the other part of the Witchblade that Sara has. Not much actually happened in this issue but with Marz back on the book, it's been a good read so far.

Hawkeye #17
What a load of crap this was. We have a filler issue that is nothing more than a tv episode from an older issue that Clint was watching. It had nothing to do with either Hawkeyes or their stories and was nothing more that an attempt to let David Aja catch up on his art. Good or bad issue, I feel cheated with this one.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #32
Fighting abound as the Turtles are finally all back together and taking on Koya and the Foot's assassins. This issue was pretty much just awesome fighting. After Mikey flies in on a motorcycle and nailing Koya, Leo approaches. Instead of taking the killing strike, he pulls out a star and says within an hour, Koya will die. He can continue fighting or live. He chooses wisely. The whole gang leaves Northhampton, with Splinter saying it "time to stop running". I can't tell you just how great it is to have such an amazing TMNT book again.

Justice League of America #13
DC makes me hate them more and more. We think Stargirl has rescued everybody and it turns out that nothing from the last five issues happened and she's been in her own mind prison the whole time. Only she was able to escape because she realized it. The League is still trapped and she did nothing but retain some personal growth. Horse-shit. $24 worth of horse-shit.

(Late) NB of the Week

-I ONCE FIXED A SPOILS THAT WASN'T EVEN BROKEN YET-
Rundown Edition!

Starlight #1

Mark Millar is getting back to his MillarWorld titles (Again. For now) with what I describe as Gran Torino meets John Carter. Duke McQueen has lived a long life. His wife just died, his two sons are trying to avoid him and the inter-dimensional adventures he had many years ago have found him once more. Not much happens in this issue but it's a great, solid start to what should hopefully be another amazing Millar series.

Earth 2 #21
Tom Taylor hits his first speed bump as new writer in an issue that does extremely little to progress the story. Evil Superman lasers an arm off Atom and them knocks him out with it. Everybody yells at Batman for wanting the new Kryptonian to stop Superman and Superman finds out about the Kryptonian. That's about it.

Forever Evil #6
The Fate of Nightwing! Only not really. As Batman and the Badguys find Nightwing, they find that he has a bomb attached that can only be disarmed if his heart stops. Luthor obliges and "kills" him by covering his airways. As Batan begins to beat him for it, Luthor tries to plead that it's not over. Over with the Crime Syndicate, their hooded prisoner is finally revealed to be Alexander Luthor (I assume from their Earth 3) and we find that he isn't so nice either as he kills Johnny Quick and steals his powers after calling "MAZAHS!" and gaining the power of the Dark Lightning. He claims he'll be the only hero this place needs.

Jupiter's Legacy #4
We get a little more history as to how the first group got their powers. Mostly, though, we get modern times as we see "heroes in hiding" and their son as they lat low in Australia. Honestly, there's been such time gaps that I'm not sure who these people are anymore. Another I'll have to reread once it's good and caught up instead of trying every four months to remember.

Captain America #18

Cap and Falcon have to fight SHIELD Agents that have been taken over by Mindbubble's mind bubbles. As they try to reach a secret SHIELD location (Cap's getting tired of their secrets, kinda like a certain movie that's coming up) and is brought up by Jet on MB's origin. Ex-SHIELD who has Cap's serum and lots of LSD. Worse over is that once you get in his bubbles, you either die in 'em or you kill yourself to not die in 'em cuz you're his forever. As Cap reaches the location, it turns out to be a Helicarrier the size of a cityand he now has to wonder what SHIELD is willing to do in order to make sure it doesn't fall into the hands of a crazy like Mindbubble.

NB of the Week

-I NEVER SPOIL FASTER THAN I CAN SEE. BESIDES THAT, IT'S ALL IN THE REFLEXES-

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #31
Written by Tom Waltz
Drawn by Ross Campbell

The Turtles just can't catch a break. Most recently, Shredder kidnapped Leonardo and brainwashed him into leading his foot. This led Splinter and the other three to do some shady deals (with the likes of Old Hob and Slash) and an eventual fight with their lost family member. Though they were able to mostly break the control and get Leo back, the group is very uneasy and trying to mend. Leo hates himself and doesn't trust his own action (even though the spirit of his mother talks to him and tells him otherwise), they all hiding out in the forests at April's parents place (hid from them as well) and Alopex has followed them, wanting to turn over a new leaf after she found out that Shredder used her and was the one who killed her family before he mutated her.
That's kinda the catch-up and what happens here. Don may have found how to destroy the Technodrome that Krang is building. April cut her hair short like all women in Hollywood are doing. Raph is starting to let Alopex in a little without wanting to kill her. Mostly though, this is Leo's issue. As he sulks alone in the forest,Splinter comes up and begins to tell him that much like a sword that is drawn, Leo was just a tool used by Shredder. He was able to fight it before blood was drawn and he shouldn't hold that against himself. He then reveals that Leo is not alone is talking to his mother. Splinter also speaks with her and he tells Leo that for her sake, he won't let him give up on himself or their family. He then returns Leo's blue mask and walks away. Later that day, as they all (sans Leo, April and Casey) sit and eat, they are attacked by a new mutant, an eagle of sorts who was flashed last issue to us, and a few Foot Assassins ("Killers of the highest order!"). As the five of them try to fight and are quickly taken down, the bird stands over Splinter and says "You are beaten, rodent. There is no Escape. Are you prepared for the slaughter?". But then, from behind him comes "That's funny, bird..." and in a gigantic, TMNT boner moment

we get a final page of Leo standing with his katanas and Blue mask.
"... I was gonna ask you the same thing."

This title has been damn awesome from it's very start. With the exception of one story, everything has been great, old Turtles fun. These guys get what makes them so awesome and it's the gimmicks or toys or cartoons. It's the characters. This is a family that will fight each other but more often fight for each other and you get that. The stories have flowed together very nicely and overall, it's just great to be a Turtles fan again. If you have ever been one, this is the title you've been waiting for since the original Laird and Eastman days.