Oh Marvel, How Fall You Have Fallen

Anybody else reading Marvel's Civil War II? If not, so far, I suggest skipping it. While complaints could be made against the first Civil War story, I feel it had something legitimate to say about the prospects of vigilantism if it were to be scrutinized realistically. Here, not so much.
The premise is one that right off the ground doesn't feel strong enough to cause strife amongst the heroes: after the Terrigen Mists were released on the world, any person with any Inhuman DNA has been changed into a Nuhuman (fancy terms). one such young man has been given the power of precognition. His visions of the future just got (SPOILERS) War Machine and (maybe)She-Hulk killed. Iron Man leads a fight against using said powers to stop what is to come while Captain Marvel (now part of the Alpha Flight space team that stops threats before they can get to Earth) believes they should use them. That's the argument.
In the newest issue (issue 2), Stark breaks into Attilan (a sovereign nation), kidnaps this kid and proceeds to torture him to find how the power works. No, I'm not making that up. This Avenger who calls himself a futurist, kidnapped a minor, tied him to a chair and tortured him because using his powers is bad.
Marvel better have a shit ton more up their sleeve because right now, they've clearly been making shit as they go.

I'm Sorry

I may be the worst "blogger" to have every tried blogging. I humbly apologize and deeply regret having hurt any of the 3 people who may still visit this site in the hopes of reading my weekly comic book complaints or seeing scantly clad boobs. To make up for it, here's a little of both.

Damn, Liefeld! Learn how to draw proper boobs!

NB of the Week (Special 4 Months Later Edition)

-I SPOIL, I DIE. I SPOIL AGAIN!-

Old Man Logan #1

Recap if you're new to the OML world (and I assume the two people reading this are not): in a future, the villains won. They finally teamed up and rid the world of our beloved heroes causing a wasteland of a country. Taking out the X-Men was Wolverine. To a degree. Mysterio was able to work it so that Wolverine thought he was seeing his villains killing his team when in fact, he himself was killing his team instead of those villains. He vowed to never pop those claws again. The Wolverine was dead. Years later, blind Hawkeye shows up needing his help and it all spills over, causing Logan to lose his new family and break that Snikt vow of his.

During the recent Marvel event Secret Wars, all universes were pulled together and combined into one world. OML was in that and his journey took him into other domains on Battleworld (the other dimensions and such) and he was confused as all shit seeing other versions of his dead friends. This second mini really did nothing except introduce Old Man to the modern Marvel universe that we know. Which is where this book begins.

Old Man Logan comes to in the middle of Times Square, naked and, once again, confused. Doesn't take long, however, as his memories come flooding back. As he finds clothes to cover his nethers, he comes across a hat, sparking flashbacks (to his past in the future...) of him and his son trading at the market. We see his son wearing the hat he found, which is apparently a big deal in that future as people want it in his trading. He tells 'em all no, that it's his son's and not open for trade. Until Black Butcher comes in (to my knowledge, a new character). A fourth rate villain who Logan claims only got power after sneaking in after the hard work was done, Butcher now wants the hat. Logan tried to fight it but since he's unwilling to get physical, he loses. Humiliatingly. Butcher not only takes the hat but he does if after slapping Logan's son. They end up leaving with Logan trying to explain that they have to pick their battles and fighting only would have made their lives worse in the long run..

Back in out present, Logan decides his purpose of now being here is to prevent his future from ever happening and he knows just where to start. After kicking some ass and taking some names, Logan is able to find his way to a young Black Butcher, who tries to zap Logan with his arm shocker thingie but he doesn't realize who this is and it has little effect. Before he can try again, Logan lobs off Butcher's arm, leaving him defenseless and, more importantly, scared. Butcher cries for answers, not understanding why this is happening

"You hit my boy."

"What?! You're crazy!! I - I ain't never seen you before! You or your kid!"

"Yeah... and now you never will."

And with the pop of the claws, Butcher is gone with three more holes in his head than when he started the day. With that, Logan has started the list. Butcher was first. Now he just needs to find Banner, Mysterio and Red Skull and he'll be done.

The original Old Man Logan was fantastic. It was badass Wolverine action front to back and was a joy to read. This book, though feeling a little bit darker, already has that same excitement back in me. Jeff Lemire has picked up a heavy load with this character but is showing he's ready to run with it. And the amazing artwork of Andrea Sorrentino only adds to how great it read. There's not a lot of depth here yet but there is definitely room for that. Though smaller, the original was riddled with it even though it all seemed small and quick. Overall, this book has me more excited for a Marvel book than any other right now and more than most have in the last few years. It's a promising start with what I hope with be a very violent journey.

Boobs of the Day

Krysten Ritter

As I prepare myself for the upcoming Netflix show Jessica Jones, I decided to give the short-lived comedy Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 a go and see what Miss Ritter has done outside of being Jesse Pinkman's girlfriend. The show is turning out to be rather hilarious with it's odd stories and even odder dialogue directions but most surprising is the fact that Ritter, as the B---- in Apartment 23, is somehow so much hotter when being a bitch than when not being a bitch. Guess I like 'em dangerous. She seems like she may be perfect as Jessica Jones and I would certainly be happy to watch her more.

(Late) NB of the Week

IT'S A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK COMPASS SPOILS. SO YOU DON'T GET LOST-

Daredevil #18

Written by Mark Waid

Drawn by Chris Samnee

 

Waid and company bring their four year run on the Man Without Fear to a close in perfect fashion. No big death, no big shocker, no big twist. At the end of the day, the bad guys lose and the good guy wins (even if in comics it's only for another month). This has quite possibly been the best run of DD since I've started reading and with Foggy's words towards the end, Waid perfectly sums up the type of hero we all know Murdock is:

"When you were a kid, you got blinded just trying to help an old man across the street. That wasn't fair. Ever since then, you've devoted your life to balancing those scales. To making the world a fairer place for everyone else despite the fact that it is a vast, random entity of incomprehensible power. You get up every morning and you fight an unjust universe because you think you can make a dent. That is exactly the level of arrogance Kirsten and I will always trust to protect us."

I won't go as far as to say that this run redefined the hero we all know. A lot of blows were thrown at Murdock and some big changes did happen (like everybody knowing Murdock is Daredevil) but I find it hard to say that all these things redefined who Daredevil is when every choice, every reaction, every move felt so very true to the character. If anything, this run strengthened the definition of who Daredevil is.

I started Daredevil on a monthly basis 17 years ago (which seems really long now that I say it) when Kevin Smith relaunched it under the Marvel Knights banner. Over that time, there have been downs but by far there were more ups and I have no problem saying that Waid's tenure has been my favorite and will likely be my test for any writer to come after. They all have my best of lucks in doing so and time shall tell.

But I doubt it.

NB of the Week

-I'D SPOIL THAT FOR A DOLLAR-

Birthright #10

Written by Joshua Williamson 

Drawn by Andrei Bressan

Birthright is the story of the Rhodes family and their very long journey after one of their children disappears. After that child then reappears, as a full grown adult, things get a little crazy. Mikey has returned as a warrior from the land of Terrenos and though he tries to tell his family he is there to save them all from the invading army of the evil Lore, it turns out he's actually been infected by a Nevermind and is there to help Lore conquer. He escapes the authorities and is on his quest with his bigger (though with his time in Terrenos, he is now much bigger and older) brother, they come face to face with a Diviner.

In this issue we get a little side story like Mikey's mother meeting Rya (his winged companion from Terrenos and soon to be baby mama) and beginning to realize more about just what Mikey went through but the real story (as usual) lies with Mikey and Brennan as they face the spirit looking to cleanse Mikey. It tells Brennan that his brother is infected and it has to end it before it consumes them all. Brennan is reluctant but he has been seeing his brother deteriorate and feels that if this thing can cure him, he has to let it. As the Diviner begins, Mikey tries to fight as the Nevermind fights back from within him. In the end, Mikey gives in to the Diviner. He claims he wasn't forced into this and chose the dark path he is on. As the spirit is about to kill Mikey (for that is the only way to fully end the infection), Brennan won't let his brother die, grabs Mikey's Blades of the Forever Field and stabs the Diviner, killing it. Mikey is shocked that Brennan was deemed worthy to use the blades, says he's already feeling better and they all prepare to leave. But of course there has to be more to the story as the last page reveals. Speaking to the Nevermind, Mikey revels in the fact that he was right and that Brennan is very important. Turns out using the blades isn't all that great as the Nevermind concludes with Mikey that his brother is on the path to corruption and that he will be the perfect host for their God King Lore.

If you take one part Jumanji, one part Flight of the Navigator and mix it all together with D&D, you have Birthright. WIlliamson is creating a whole world here that is fascinating and exciting and dangerous around every corner. And the art of Bressan has been pretty stunning. The name wasn't familiar to me before this series but he seems perfect in the fantasy world and I will absolutely be watching him in the future (and hopefully on this book for a good while).

No offense to what DC and Marvel have been doing, but Image Comics have been putting out more and more amazing reads and if the big two aren't careful, they're gonna start finding that out the hard way.

Boobs of the Day

Katrina Law
Having suffered through 35 episodes of Arrow, I can say that Ms Law came into the show just at the right time (meaning when it finally got good). However, if you nuts out there think she was hot as the daughter of Ra's Al Ghul (but not Talia), you should have seen her in Spartacus. She's even hotter when less clothed and killing with more blood.

NB of the Week

-MY SPOILS ELEVATES AND ISOLATES ME AND MAKES ME A RARE SPECIMEN-

Anybody buying the X-Men '92 series from Marvel? If not, you may have missed what is possibly the best cameo/reappearance ever:

You seeing what I'm seeing?! Right there. Big blue with Eany and Meany on each shoulder. Second biggest character in the panel.

Mother-fudging Maggott!

Yeah, he'll likely have no more lines and is probably gonna become cannon fodder within his next 5 to 10 panels but who cares? My (somehow)favorite x-man is back and he was brought back within the words of what very well could be my whole reason for loving comics as I do, the animated X-Men universe. Call it whatever you want, but I call this a win.

And a good day for other the 2 Maggot fans in the world as well.

NB of the Week

-I'M HEARING THE SPOILS OF GOD THROUGH A CROSSWORD PUZZLE!

Archie vs. Predator

Written by Alex de Campi
Drawn by Fernando Ruiz

For the longest time, the Archie/Punisher team-up was up there on the list of strangest crossover events of all time. Well, thanks to Dark Horse and Archie Comics, we get another (not to mention the just released Archie vs. Sharknado). After winning a trip to a lavish beach resort on their spring break, Archie and the \gang think they're in for a great time in the sun. But soon enough, Betty runs off into the jungle and finds a creepy looking cave and of course enters. Inside, she finds an ancient sacrificial knife that she accidentally takes back with her. And with that knife, follows a deadly hunter. Through the next three issues, the Predator systematically kills everybody off, including Sabrina (of the Teenage Witch variety) and sure enough Jughead. Eventually, Archie is slashed by the Predator's duel blades and Betty and Veronica are left to finish it. They drag Archie to the panic room in Veronica's mansion (did I mention that was the place of battle?) and hook him up to a machine that accidentally injects him with far too much... whatever it was they injected into him and they go off to finish the Predator. The ancient knife demands another sacrifice and they're gonna go out fighting. When in jumps Archie! All 'roided up and ready to fight. Veronica joins in but is quickly stabbed through the stomach! Betty joins the battle and quickly loses her arm for it! Archie kneels, defeated when the Predator slices and dices through his head, killing our beloved Archie! With a club to the head and a stab to the chest, Betty and Veronica soon defeat the Predator and end the cursed knife. However, they can't bare to lose all their friends so they take the still living Predator back to the panic room and begin to turn the predator into their loved Archie
The End.
This was the first ever Archie comics that I not only bought but even read. I've never read the Punisher book but may have to look for it now. This mini was great. Seeing the Riverdale gang filled with blood and guts and decapitation and spine ripping is hilarious. Not in the "violence is funny" way but in the "so damn ridiculous" way. This is one of those titles that should be read and talked about for years to come. Like Aunt May getting cosmic powers and being the Golden Oldie. It's that level and ridiculous. And Awesome.

NB of the Week

-I ONLY LIVE FOR TODAY. I'LL SHOW YOU JUST HOW SPOILED UP THAT CAN BE-

Hawkeye #22

Written by Matt Fraction

Drawn by David Aja

Almost three years age, I picked up Hawkeye #1 for the sole reason of Matt Fraction. I wasn't the biggest fan of his run on Uncanny X-Men but I loved his run on Immortal Iron Fist so as another solo character book started up, I rolled the dice and bought it and I have never been disappointed by it.

In this long awaited finale to the series, we get most everything tied up in terms of story threads (although with how delayed it had become, I can't guarantee that I even remember all the threads) and we even throw in a heartbreaking death, which considering the new Hawkeye series as already went three issues, is a big surprise. Kate and Lucky finally make their way back to Clint and the apartment just in time to help fight off the Tracksuit Mafia. As they get to Clint, we get the battle that's been building between him and Kazimier Kazimierczak. As she runs in and Lucky tries to attack, we get out death in the murder of Lucky. The dog Clint rescued from the Tracksuit Mafia back in issue one, died saving the man who saved him. Kate runs to his side as Clint unleashes the rage on Kaz. Before long, Kaz has the upper hand and Clint is staring down the barrel of a gun. Kate jumps back in but isn't enough to stop Kaz. She does however give Clint the time to live his namesake as he flings a wood splinter into the eye of Kaz, blinding him just long enough to pounce and finish him off. And after all that, we find that Clint's brother, Barney, is still alive and took off with the money. The series ends with some final pages that solidify the entirety of the theme and that's family. Clint and Kate, side by side, drawing their arrows and practicing as the pair.

This is a book that should never have worked. Haweye has had plenty of chances and his sales have just never been there. It's why they killed him off those years back. But Fraction along with the extraordinary art of Aja and Annie Wu created a character that we could connect to. It was a fight that anyone of us would have picked up arms and joined in. It wasn't about the Avengers or Gods or superpowers or any other science fiction element. It was about good people standing up to the bad people and fighting for what is right and when that's the connection you can so amazingly create, you've won. This is a series that I plan on rereading front to back very soon and already plan on doing it again soon after that.

(Late)NB of the Week

-POWER BELONGS TO NO ONE, UNTIL IT IS SEIZED THROUGH SPOILS OR VIOLENCE-

Invader Zim #1

Written by Jhonen Vasquez

Drawn by Aaron Alexovich

This one is simple: If you loved the show, you'll love the comic

The creator of Invader Zim (along with the ever popular Johnny the Homicidal Maniac) returns to the characters with a brand new comic. It sorta follows the tv show but really, if you know the premise of the show at all, you don't need to remember a whole lot.

Zim has been in hiding and Dib has been sitting in wait. Only over the time, Dib has gotten fat and gross and now is the time for Zim to strike once more.

Plot is about as important as it has always been which isn't much but damn is it good to see these characters back. It was like the show never ended and I am extremely happy to have it back. If you are a fan of the show or a fan of Vasquez (which likely means you're a fan of the show), read this book. It was great.

NB of the Week

No Pleasure, No Rapture, No Exquisite Sin greater... Than the Runs

X-Men '92 #1

Secret Wars has a lot going for it, especially in this title. The great 90s animated show comes to Battleworld as the X-Men find out from Baron Kelly of the existence of Clear Mountain, where evil mutants go to be reformed. Not trusting that sound, they go to check it and find its run by a lady called Cassandra Nova. After the word game with her, the X-Men agree to a trial run of her techniques. What they don't know is that she is also currently battling Xavier in the psychic realm. Nova is not what she seems. She is a clone of Xavier made by Apocalypse but found and inhabited by the Shadow King. Welcome back X-Men '92. Hope you survive the experience.

Where Monsters Dwell #2

Over in the Monster Dwell domain in Battleworld, Clemmie and Karl are lost after their plane went down. And it's not Called Where Monsters Dwell for nothing. Aborigine tribes, dinosaurs, giant sharks and crocodiles and after all that, a very large tribe of Amozonian women. Karl Kaufmann just can't catch a break.

Age of Ultron vs Marvel Zombies #1

Not a whole lot to this story yet. Beyond the SHIELD lies the domains of the AI (Ultrons) and the Zombies. This issue has some awesome fighting between the two. On top of that, an old school looking Hank Pym enters the fray. He soon comes across Vision, Toro and Wonder Man who are asking him to help save their world. Story is building but who cares? This issue had awesome zombies fighting awesome robots and that's all I needed.

Uncanny Avengers #5

The High Evolutionary looks to be winning but then the new team comes together and defeats him. Wanda feels alone but Vision steps in reminding her that she will never truly be alone. And that's it. I honestly expected more from this first arc but it's possible that Secret Wars kinda hindered that. Hopefully it'll come back strong yet again after Secret is over

Daredevil #16

Waid begins to bring his amazing run on DD to an end as he has Daredevil attempt to make a deal with the Devil. Though it is Marvel so I suppose I should distinguish the Devil from a metaphorical Devil because this is the latter. It is, in fact, the Kingpin. The Shroud has tried his best to ruin Murdock and it may succeed. Unless Fisk can help. Murdock is at the end of his rope and offers him the only thing he's ever wanted: the death of Matt Murdock. Matt will give Fisk the opportunity to "kill" him off all while he still stays as Daredevil. Only Fisk will know and then Fisk can have back the old leverage that he had over Matt. Kingpin seemingly agrees to protect Matt's friends and family in exchange only at the end, we see that Kingpin may have some aces up his sleeve as his ninja on the inside already has Foggy.

(Late) NB of the Week

Moving has made things a little/lot behind in most ways so this is 5 days late. 

So really it's the NB of last week.

Either way, let's get to it.

Thors #1

Written by Jason Aaron

Drawn by Chris Sprouse

What we knew ahead of Secret Wars was that the writer of the main Thor book was writing a book called Thors in which we got as police drama only with many Thors. Boy was he not kidding. What we didn't know at the time was what the Thors actually place in Battleworld was but we now know that it is as Doom's own personal police force, laying down the law as he has created them. When the Thors come, you know it has hit the fan.

Here in the pages of Thors, we get the best of Law & Order mixed in with the fear of Doom. There has been a murder. More than one, actually. The Thor known as Ultimate Thor and his partner, Beta Ray have the impossible sounding task of figuring out the now serial killer they have on their hands. This has become an Allthing. A case that needs to be solved as soon as possible before Doom himself takes an interest. Five women, seemingly no connection. Different ages, from different kingdoms and no known identities to boot. However, they do get a little from their forensics expert on the force, Throg (that'd be the Thor frog from way back, if ya couldn't tell). The five women do have a connection: they were the same woman. They now have a silver lining, they could possibly find lines as to where the killer may strike next. They just have to find any missing persons case that matches. As Ultimate ponders, Beta goes to his source on the street to find anything out. A homeless vagabond named Loki who claims he can shed light on some things but that Beta isn't going to want to hear them. We go back to Ultimate as he's in the bar (which only allows Thors in) arm-wrestling Groot-Thor (Groor?) as a loud crash of thunder is heard. The Thors head off as they follow it's source to an alley where they find Beta on the ground, twisted and bloody. The call goes out: officer down! Ultimate Thor begs his friend and partner to hold on. They were gonna get the Bifrost open and take him to the help he needs. As UT begs Beta to not move, Beta slowly whispers the one fact he found. He knows the identities of the murdered: Jane Foster. We end with Ultimate Thor, holding the now deceased body of hid partner.

If you change out the hammers and the flying and the setting, this was some of the best cop drama I've come across in a long time. It was surprising to find how non-superhero-y the story felt and how welcome it was. A book filled with Thors and I don't want superhero story. At this point, most every Secret War title, while different takes and mostly refreshing, have been somewhat the same feeling as before Secret War. Thors flips that all around. This different take finally equals a different feel and I can't be more excited to see how this murder mystery is going to play out.

NB of the Week

-IF YOU SAVE THE WORLD, WE CAN DO IT IN THE SPOILS-

Earth 2: Society #1

Written by Daniel H. Wilson

Drawn by Jorge Jimenez

This first issue to the relaunched Earth 2 title is one of those cases of counting the chickens before they hatch. I wasn't too sure on this book over the last year or so and here's the rundown as to why:

When DC launched Earth 2 in the New 52 universe, they brought in fan-favorite writer James Robinson, probably best known for his long tenure on the Starman title (a personal favorite of mine) and though making Alan Scott gay drew a lot of criticism, it was an excellent read in my opinion. About a year and a half later it all fell to shot. Robinson announced he was done with the book and DC and DC announced that Injustice writer Tom Taylor was taking over. Taylor was a surprise read as I knew nothing from the man but it was starting out in a very good way. Until Worlds End was announced. Half a year worth of weekly story from various writers about Darkseid coming to take their planet as the new Apokolips. The weekly was less than stellar. And that may still be a bit nice. In the end, Darkseid won and there was no more Earth for Earth 2. Until Convergence. In which another writer (Jeff King) wrote back into DC continuity the Multiverse that was originally destroyed way back in Crisis on Infinite Earths. This brought back alternate characters and storylines for DC as a whole and what was left from the Convergence world was taken by the remaining Earth 2 survivors as their new Earth. A literal Earth 2 for them. During Convergence, Earth 2 Batman (Thomas Wayne) was killed and Earth 2 Dick Grayson, after being paralyzed, has become the new Batman. Which is where Earth 2: Society begins. Several writers and more than a few bad stories later. Hence my hesitation. Welcome to comics.

So imagine me surprised when Robopocalypse writer Daniel Wilson takes the reins of this cluster and actually manages to tell a rather intriguing story. It all begins one year after "Planetfall" with the new Batman chasing baddies (as all Batmen do). Back and forth from this we go to the world after Convergence as the population begins to land and/or crash its way to their new planet while the remaining heroes all try to figure out how to start over. Grayson is definitely the start of this issue as he is "rescued" by the heroes in the past and saving the day in the present. In the present, he catches up to the new version of Johnny Sorrow and thwarts his attempt on the life of Terry Sloan; Mr Terrific, baddie of the world and all around douche. We end the issue with his running and Grayson wondering what has the most powerful man on the planet scared for his life.

This was not a train wreck. That's a very good surprise and a very good thing to read. Novelists tend to have a little trouble transitioning from their native narrative to a sequential one and Wilson is no different but it didn't lag in the way most do. The pacing was a bit off but not in a distracting way. The ending was a bit rushed and in fact, not much of an ending at all but as a whole, it's a solid and promising start to a title that really needs some consistency and direction, both of which have been sorely missed since Robinson left. Here's to hoping DC has pulled their heads out of their asses.

Boobs of the Day

Birgitte Hjort Sorensen
Ok, so her singing in Pitch Perfect 2 was pretty good and in that movie, Anna Kendrick kept getting flustered by her, always responding to her threats with compliments as she was taken back by her perfect looks. Meh. However, after her one episode stint on Game of Thrones last night (no spoils but maybe she comes back...?), she is much hotter somehow. Maybe it's the platform. Or maybe it's the badass fighting of the undead (She was with Mastodon in that all that, Adam). Anyway, she's looking mighty fine today.