Wednesday, November 30, 2011

NB of the Week

The Ultimate s#4: The Republic is Burning - Chapter 4
Asgard has fallen. Thor is all that is left of the lineage. The Children of Tomorrow seem to be unstoppable. As issue three ended, Thor teleported into The City, strapped with new gear from Stark, ready for death and revenge.
After finding and freeing Captain Britain, Thor quickly comes across The Maker and his army. Provoking a fight with the Asgardian is all to easy (Gods have such fragile egos, after all) and Thor ends up getting his ass handed to him for four awesome pages of art. However, The Maker lets him live so that he can his messenger. The Maker reveals his face to Thor (not yet to us) and delivers the reality he wants Fury to know:
"The City has reached it's current potential -- it has finished growing, and only the children are welcome here. All that we have claimed is now ours, forever --the rest we leave to you and the world. Accept this for what it is and never return. It is peace and the best we have to offer.
Oh, and tell them, Thor -- I was right all along."
Uh oh. That last part can't be good.
Thor, beaten and alone, is overcome with shame and grief. Until Odin appears before him. As he gives him the "father's speech" about standing tall and making the world a better place as he is suppose to, he reveals to him that although he is the last Asgardian, he is far from alone. As Thor turns, he is amazed at the sight, as the picture to the right shows.
"It appears you have become Valhalla, my friend."
As Thor is brought back and tells Fury of what has transpired, he finally reveals the face behind the mask of The Maker. None other than hero-turned-villain, Reed Richards.
Hickman can almost do no wrong right now with me. The dude has turned the Ultimates into a team that should scare the baddies. And killing all of Asgard? At the hands of Reed Richards? The Ultimate Universe is not one to be trifled with. This book is back at being top notch and fans of the first Millar stuff should definitely be reading this one.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

I May Be Gay...

Read me out first before you judge.
My friend Aaron sent me a picture today (not that kind, keep reading...). Aaron's family is friends with another family who have a little boy who has terminal cancer. Apparently, this boy wanted to be Captain America for Halloween. As if that wasn't cool enough, they actually sent a picture of him to Chris Evans (or it got to him somehow) and Evans than sent an email to them with a picture of him holding the picture of their son, thanking him and letting him know that he was in his thoughts this Thanksgiving.
How fudging awesome is that?! I'm a bit jealous of this kid.
Now, I know there are many celebrities out there that are still grounded in life and want to help give back to their fans but this is amazing. The fact this Evans went out of his way and time, even if he didn't write the email himself or anything, to make sure this kid knew that Captain America was wishing him well, is great. This kid probably has a smile that very few of us have and it's all from one guy taking 2 minutes of his day.
I already had a man crush of Chris Evans, but this little act may have turned me completely gay for him.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

NB of the Week

Fantastic Four #600 - Forever
After a year of the new title FF, Marvel is bringing back the main titles Fantastic Four, while also keeping FF alongside it (let's be honest, I'm a little surprised that they only have two First Family titles. Marvel is pretty quick to launch spin-offs from every title that sells well). Starting Fantastic Four at issue 600 (where it would be, had it continued and not under the FF title) is a perfect reason to charge readers $7.99 for the issue.
And it's worth every penny.
Not only is it 96 pages of all new story from Jonathan Hickman but it's also a culmination of many threads he's been plotting for a few years now. When FF 11 ended, we had the resurrection of the Supreme Intelligence and the Kree armies invading Earth to stop the prophesy of his and the Kree's death. Enter #600.
As the FF and the Avengers begin to try and handle the invasion, we cut back and forth from a number of other plots. With the invasion, Annihilus' Anti-Priest is worried that it could ruin their opportunity to bring Annihilus back from the Negative Zone (which was sealed off completely after Johnny's death), forcing them to start their plan of reopening the gate. Doctor Doom, Nathaniel Richards and Evil Reed all ask Doom's son (now ruler of Latveria) to help them with their plans (a thread that is very small, but just enough to set it further). Ronan and Crystal are opened to the Supreme Intelligence's mind and the visions he has. Blah blah blah. Actually pretty cool but not what matters most. As some bugs begin to attack the FF Kids in the Baxter building, Val and Bentley set of their "trasnslocator" and 'port them and the top half of the building out. Which leaves nobody to stop the gate from being open. As Reed and Pete both see this in the distance, Reed stays behind so that Pete can swing in and make sure nobody was left behind. As he sees the bugs trying to open the gate, he fights them off as best he can but it's just not enough. As he stares into the now opening gate, he is astonished at what he sees.
Johnny Storm. Flaming, holding Annihilus on a chain like the animal he is and the cosmic rod strapped to his arm.
"Pete... What the heck are you wearing?"
(That sound you hear is your mind blowing itself to a moment you knew was coming and yet had no idea it would be this cool)
In story number two, we get Johnny's tale in the Negative Zone. Turns out he met up with the Light Brigade of the Universal Inhumans (more plot threads laid out issues ago) and they are the entertainment for Annihilus. They enter arena fights, are killed and are brought back to life. So it turns out Johnny died after all. He just got better. A few times. All of them joined forces to stage a rising, knowing that the Cosmic Rod in Annihilus' spear is the one thing that could free them. As the Brigade fights the drones, Johnny takes on the big guy. Blow for blow, it turns into a race for the spear. Each one reaching out, trying to get it first. As the picture than goes black, we fade back in, finding Johnny with the Light Brigade behind him.
"Open the gate."
Then we have an Inhuman story-thread, a Galactus needs us thread and a Franklin and Leech are doing something they probably shouldn't thread. All good stories but not the ones you will remember the most. Comic fans everywhere knew Johnny would return. Not only do comic deaths never stick but you never even saw Johnny die. No body=no death. Comic math. It doesn't matter. His return was almost as cool as his demise. In the larger scale of things, I almost hope Johnny doesn't rejoin the team. Hickman has made the Four into a team and title absolutely worth reading and this is no exception. Spidey joining the team is a bit gimmicky but I've come to like his placement and kinda don't want Johnny messing that up. Let his breath a little. That cosmic rod could do a lot in stories for him and I would love to see him be his own for a while.
Either way, this issue was amazing. Every story was great and even though the price was a bit high, you get a good four issues worth of story for the price of two and that's a great deal. With all do respect to Straczynski and Waid and Millar, Hickman has put most stories in the last couple of decades to shame. Do yourself a good solid and read this.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Child of the 80's

The Wuzzles (1985)
The Wuzzles was a tv show that involved characters that were all hybrids of multiple animals. My brother had the Bumblelion toy (half bumble bee, half lion), my sister had the Moosel one (half moose, half seal) and I had Hoppopotamus (half rabbit, half hippopotamus). This is one of those things that make me think my parents were trying to make me their gay son the whole time (I was also given a Toni Braxton cd for a Christmas present and a Donna Lewis tape for a birthday. Look them all up and tell me I'm wrong) but that's not an idea made until years after so I digress.
The adventures of everyone in the show were just like that of any other cartoon, meaning they had little sense and we didn't care. There was the evil Crock (who at half crocodile and half dinosaur, really got the longest straw in that group. Lucky bastard) who was always trying to foil the plans and just be a douche in general. His idiot sidekicks who were just the bumbling fools that every evil sidekick is. Really, I just remember liking Rhinokey (rhinoceros/monkey) but I always did have a thing for monkeys.
Anywho, not really sure why this show came into my head all of a sudden but I'm not to upset about it. Cartoons now are nowhere near as cool as the cartoons then and I feel sorry for future generations that won't get to experience these ones. And for the shit they will probably have in the future. Leave it to Bieber or some junk like that. May the good lord help those who watch Leave it to Bieber.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Dear Shopko

Dear Shopko,
I have been a diabetic for almost 16 years. Please stop telling me how expensive my insulin is every single time that I buy it. I know. In fact, you could help remedy the problem if you ever wanted to charge me less. However, until you are willing to help with it, please stop telling me how expensive it (and you) are. It's really starting to piss me off.

Hugs and Kisses,

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Clif-Notes: Breaking Dawn pt. 1

I was paid to watch this movie and I still wanted to complain and get my money back. In fact, I'm thinking about offering that pay back just to rid myself of the whole experience that much more. In short, this movie was complete donkey shit.
How do I even describe this movie? The whole thing is Bella and Edward getting married and getting pregnant and not know what to do. For two fucking hours. After the one night of sex, Edward refuses to have sex again because he bruised Bella. Not broke, not maimed, didn't even draw blood that we know of. And he refuses to do it again. So of course she starts slinking around in lingerie to temp him. In between them playing chess, of course. And then she's pregnant from the one time (maybe they should have watched the Maury show more. Once is all it takes. And while I'm on it, how is a thing that has no blood flow able to get an erection in order to even have sex. It's bullshit. Plus she's ugly so getting it up is gonna be double impossible.) and doesn't know what to do so they hide back at Edward's house for the rest of the movie while the werewolves surround them, wanting to kill the abomination. Also, Jacob just slumps around, sulking and crying the whole movie. Until he "imprints" on Bella and Edward's baby. Which is also named in part after Jacob's mother. So he plans on fucking a baby that is named after his mother. What the hell is going on?! And apparently the wolves can't kill the baby now that it is part of the clan. So they also sulk away (must be a werewolf thing). Leaving us with a dead Bella (died during the birth) and a sad everybody else. But lo, there shall come a miracle. A miracle that was caused after Edward injected her with a shit ton of his "venom" (no, I did not make that euphemism myself) and then bit her on the neck, the arm, the legs twice, the other leg and the other arm. Vampire juices just aren't what they use to be. As everybody turns their head (in amazing, day time soap opera fashion), Bella's eyes open, revealing the vampire red peepers that we all knew was gonna happen. End movie.
Or was it? In a special scene during the credits, the big bad vampire group that didn't want a human in the clan, gets word that she is turned. But now they want the baby. Or something else that will set up another movie. Insert sound effects to the tune of Bum Bum Buuummmmm!!!
What shit. I admit to seeing all the movies and I actually thought that despite them all being utter garbage, they got slightly better with each one. Not here. Two hours of Jacob crying, Bella dying and Edward looking like he was too constipated for his own good. This was the most sulking and emo-ing I think I may have ever seen in a movie. It was frozen poop on a stick and all those twi-tards out there are gonna love it, no matter shitty they all know it is. I want my two hours back and it makes me angry that I won't. I know no matter what I say, you already have your mind set on seeing this movie so just be prepared to be ridiculed by me as you walk out.
And I may just be dirty but I laughed extremely loud at the best line of the movie. Bella, over the phone to her father:
"No Dad! Don't come!"

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

NB of the Week

Wonder Woman #3 - Clay
I've decided that one of the main reasons that I'm loving Azzarello's new Wonder Woman so much is that it's one of the few books from the New 52 that is actually changing and starting new. Many of the other books are just the same concepts redone for more readers but Wonder Woman is actually changing.
After the revelation that Diana is the daughter of Zeus, we get her real origin. Turns out long before Diana, there was Zeus and Hippolyta. King of the Gods and queen of the Amazons. And the song they sang was only for them and not the poets. IE - they had great sex. And born from that was Diana. Not a child of clay as her mother (with others) concocted. That was a ruse, knowing very well that Hera would have killed her in her crib if she knew she was the daughter of Zeus. As this is happening, we keep cutting back the other Amazons who are tasked with burying the dead they had just killed (while being tricked by Strife on the last issue). One in particular, Aleka, is fed up with their princess and wants to form a nice little coup to get rid of her and her Gods. After storming away from her mother Diana comes across Aleka and her "posse".
"There she is, sisters... The one that brought shame to our isla--"
Sadly, Diana's right hook takes care of Aleka before she can finish. After she herself burns the bodies of the fallen, Diana gives everybody what they want. She forsakes her people, the island and her name. Leaving for good, she claims she is now only known as Wonder Woman.
In only three short issues, Azzarello has made Wonder Woman one of the best books DC has done in years. It's brash and simple and doesn't ask for permission of any kind and it has succeeded on all counts so far. I know it's still relatively early in the New 52 era but I've read every issue one and most issue twos and WW is easily the best book I've read out of them all.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Clif-Notes: Halcyon

Halcyon is a five-issue mini series from Image Comics and it's premise is actually quite simple:
What happens when the never-ending battle for truth and justice actually ends?
That's exactly what happens to the super group Halcyon. Over the course of a year, the world's crime and violence has stopped. No war, no evil villains, no crime. Humans no longer have the capacity to hurt one another. The desire is completely gone. What do the heroes of the world do now? Well, for Sabre, it only means he has to find another way to stop what- or whoever it is that is causing this wholly unnatural occurrence. Only problem is that not all his hero buddies think it's a bad thing.
I was very impressed with this series. Written by Marc Guggenheim (Wolverine & Amazing Spider-Man amongst others) takes a great concept and hits it out of the park. It's such a simple idea and yet the book doesn't play out as such. It never reaches a point where I though to myself "I've been here before", even though it almost feels like it should. Originally announced as an ongoing, it was cut to only five issue which is a shame. It's ending, while definitely being an open-ended conclusion, leaves you satisfied and yet wanting more. I truly hope that Image give Guggenheim another shot at more (even though it's Image and you know they won't make any smart decision like that. I mean come on. They still think Spawn is one of their flagship titles...).
If you have been looking for a new book that isn't the same kind of regurgitated hero writings, check this one out. While playing on the ideas that made books like Watchmen so amazing, it also proves that those ideas, when written intelligently, never grow old.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Clif-Notes: Immortals

As I think anybody who has seen The Fall knows, Tarsem Singh can direct a movie. The Cell, with whatever acting problems I had with Jennifer Lopez or Vince Vaughn, was a beautiful orgy of visuals. And I mean that literally. The visuals had sexual intercourse with my retinas and it was amazing. The Fall was much more subtle with it's beauty. The Fall took me to dinner and a movie, walked me to my door, where I invited it in for some "coffee" and then it made me pancakes in the morning. So you may be able to understand how excited I was for him to handle a movie about a mad king releasing the Titans and waging war on Gods and man alike.
I did not leave the theater disappointed.
I found it amazing on all levels. Cavill as Theseus was great. Rourke is always great as the gruff, mad at the world type. Freida Pinto was 1000xs better than she was in Slumdog (though I was not a fan of that movie so she kinda just gets lumped into that). Even Dorff was livable but I don't think I've seen him in anything since Blade.
I can't get all existential on ya about this movie or go into the technical aspects of it but I can tell you what I liked and I absolutely liked this movie. If you have any inkling to see it, you won't leave disappointed.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Boobs of the Day

Lauren Cohan
Miss Cohan first came onto my radar after he little stint as Bela on Supernatural. She was then a guest on Chuck for a while. However, her newest run on The Walking Dead is what brought her back. She plays Maggie Greene, daughter of Hershel. As fans of the comic (and now the tv show) know, she begins a nice, physical relationship with Glenn and thanks to the latest episode, we get a little of of Cohan skin and I am very happy to see whatever they want to show me.
I gladly welcome back Boobs of the Day with the lovely Miss Lauren Cohan.

NB of the Week

This was another week filled with some pretty good reads and I was once again torn between three.
Ultimate Spider-Man #3 was yet again another testament to Brian Michael Bendis being able to do whatever he wants. There is no reason why anybody should be upset about Pete being killed off, especially if they have actually read this book. In this issue we have Miles still figuring out what to do. After hearing shit was going down with Spidey, he actually jumped his way over there. Turns out Miles was a witness to Peter's death and it's the deciding factor to become a hero. Turns out Pete's death, if only for Miles, was inspiration enough for somebody to do some good.
Green Lantern #3 was another great chapter in Johns' run. Sinestro is pretty pissed that his Corps has taken over his planet and enslaved his people. Which of course means that he has to make Hal a green ring and force him to help take them out. However, this issue has another ending that I definitely didn't see coming. As a long reader, you know that this ending is not what it appears to be but Johns is great enough that I still dropped my jaw and asked "What the fart?!"
But my ultimate winner, for it's fourth strait issue...
Uncanny X-Force #17 - The Dark Angel Saga: Chapter 7
Betsy has been changed into the Horseman of Death. Fantomex has fled his team. Deadpool has been frozen and shattered into tiny pieces. Deathlok has been taken over by Archangel. Wolverine fights as the last hope for life. Until a bunch of Age of Apocalypsers come charging outta nowhere?!
Once again the master of misdirection, turns out Fantomex wasn't running. He was getting more help from the one place that has fought this fight before. AoA Sabretooth, Wildchild, Nightcrawler, Phoenix and Sunfire to the rescue! As Phoenix fights Death for Betsy's mind, everyone else goes after Archangel to stop him. Which doesn't go so well for them. Wildchild is cut in half. Sunfire is trapped under AoA Iceman (though I would think fire would win that fight). Wolverine gets fried down to not much else but a skeleton. Sabretooth and Nightcrawler are left in bloody pools. But as Archangel opens the doors to his device, to place the lifeseed himself, he and we are left with the image of Fantomex and Psylock, waiting and ready to make the final stand.
Amazing. Read this book. Every issue is better than the last.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

NB of the Week

Fear Itself #7.1 - Captain America


I started getting Fear Itself because of one reason - it's prologue. Book of the Skull was written by Ed Brubaker (of the amazing Captain America) and brought in an old scheme of the Red Skull's that he never completed: the bringing about of The Serpent. While Fear Itself had its pluses and its minuses, it certainly helped set the stage for many things over the next year. Which is where its three epilogues come into play. Fear Itself 7.1, 7.2 and 7.3 and set ups for Cap, Iron Man and Thor and with the writers of each title handling each issue, you can bet that I'm picking up at least the Cap one. And it's a good thing I did.
In FI #3, as Bucky Cap ran into battle against Sin (now an avatar of fear for The Serpent), he was met with more forced than he could handle, his arm being ripped off and impaled by her giant hammer. His final breath warned our heroes of The Serpent's return. Or so it seemed.
Turns out Bucky didn't quite die. After finding that he still had a faint heartbeat, Nick Fury gave him the remaining Infinity Formula (which is what has kept Fury alive and well for so long, after so many wars) to try and save him. Expect they didn't tell Steve. They lied to him, telling everyone that Bucky had died so that Steve would keep fighting and help end the battle at hand. Only reason he knows is that Bucky didn't want him living that lie. So Bucky "dies" for the greater good. He was a wanted fugitive and we needed motivation. Only Fury, Black Widow and Steve know he's actually alive. With Steve back in the uniform ("I wasn't meant for the spotlight anyway. That's your world."), Bucky rides off to face his unfinished business with the Winter Soldier program.
"There are things from the Winter Soldier days that I'm just remembering. Weapons left in the field... Dangers I can still prevent. I think maybe that's the path... A way to the redemption I've been looking for."
And we're left being told that coming in 2012 is a new title by Ed Brubaker called Winter Soldier.
I'm there. Bucky and Brubaker will sell me every time. I've tried telling people that Bucky wasn't dead but people don't want to listen to me. Through all the faults of Fear Itself, this was worth it. I'm excited for what's to come in Cap and Winter Soldier and if that's all I come out with from this mini, I'm happy. Sign me up for another title to be buying.