S**t Your Don't Know - 21

When Peter the Great's son Alexis went to Dresden in 1712 to marry a German princess, the Elector of Hanover Ernst August noted with distaste  in a letter to his wife that the Czarevitch shat in his bedroom and wiped his backside with the curtains.

Boobs of the Day

Kelly Osbourne
Yeah. I'm slightly ashamed and surprised for putting her here as well. I laughed at her during their awesome tv show. I laughed at her when she tried singing. I cried when I realized she was serious about the singing. But I've never found her all that attractive. And I still don't, really. However, I will give her all the praise in the world for turning herself around like this. It sounds like she has found a great place in her life and is happy to stay there. Throw that on top of losing all that weight and I have to give that body it's due. Here body looks damn good and she deserves my BotD award. Which I'm sure is why she did it in the first place.

NB of the Week

Tis a good week to be an Avengers fan so let's throw the spotlight onto those that stuck out.

Avengers #2 - We Are Avengers
Ex Nihilo, while claiming to not be a villain, gives a great villain's speech about how much he isn't a villain. Turns out that the creators of everything created the Alephs to go kill off those creatures not worthy enough for the progress of creation. Once one is found, that when Aleph present their eggs. No two are the same and this Aleph gave us Ex Nihilo and Abyss to break or transform that which they encounter.
Also we get Steve and Tony in flashbacks setting up the new team.
While issue one was in-your-face amazing to get your attention, issue two is a bit slower to help further set the new stage. Definitely still a big winner. Great start.

Captain America #2
After attacking Arnim Zola and his labs in issue one, Cap was imprisoned in Dimension Z with the child that Zola had.
One year later, Steve is surrogate father to Zola's son and they try to survive day to day in this harsh environment that is always changing. Attack followed by attack followed by attack followed by more attacks, Cap and young Ian are taken captive by a civilization of monsters/creatures. Not knowing what they saying other than the word "Zola", cap watches as they behead others with his shield before taking you Ian. End issue before we see what's next.
Rick Remender is moving relatively slower in this title but it's still damn good. It's very much a Kirby-feel title and worth reading, though it is still a little tough to see how it's gonna fully read.

Hawkeye #6 - Six Days In The Life Of
The Bro Baddies come after Hawkeye, telling him they wan their building back and he has 24 hours to leave before they kill everyone in it. This is how Hawkeye spends the days around that. Trying to hook up DVRs with Stark, getting beat up, fixing problems he accidentally caused, getting more beat up. Most importantly, not running from tracksuit Bro-thugs. In one single page, we see why Hawkeye deserves to be an Avenger.
This is quickly becoming one of the best single-person oriented books out there. Fraction is doing an amazing job making me love Hawkeye. I've said it before and I'll keep going with it: Hawkeye shouldn't be this damn awesome.


Thor: God of Thunder - The God Butcher: part 3
Modern Thor takes up the Hunt for Gorr, forcing him to seek the cave where he and Gorr once fought. The place where Thor nearly died and he thought he had killed Gorr. Turns out that Gorr has been waiting for Thor after these thousand years and isn't happy. It also turns out that whatever happened in that cave the first time, may also be why Gorr is on his kill-everything-immortal bender.
 This book has been dark and amazing since Jump Street. I can't say anything bad about this series yet.

Trailer Watch: Pacific Rim

Robots! Monsters! Guillermo del Torro!
This looks like it could be my new Ninja Assassin.

Brain Tunes

Die Antwoord - Fatty Boom Boom
A while back I posted a video for these guys and their song Enter the Ninja. Well now I've found this video and it's even more catchy and even more messed up. Yet I can't stop listening. I think I may like these guys.

DEFINITELY MATURE CONTENT. WATCH AT OWN RISK.

NB of the Week

Show me where the bathroom is cuz I've got me the
RUN DOWNS

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #17
To stop Krang from taking over Smada City on Planet Neutrino, King Zenter needs Professor Honeycutt back. Problem is, his body is dead and he is now Fugitiod and on Earth. Long story short, they get him but accidentally get the Turtles as well. Bring on the interplanetary war!

Before Watchmen
Rorschach #3
Rorschach is a little crazy and wants to beat the hell outta Rawhead before Rawhead does it to him. Too bad the guy killing all the women is still out there. Not much story but it's awesome, crazy violence.
Dr. Manhattan #3
Manhattan realizes that all these alternate lives of him are all splintered from him and one choice. So he travels back to make sure that all the correct choices are made to correct the timeline. Will it work? I'm gonna guess not.

Ultimate X-Men #20
Having freed the mutants, Kitty is the leader of mutant kind (being only about 20 left after the government offered all a cure) and has inner trouble. They have a reservation they were given to live on but some mutants don't agree with her and her choices. Hopefully she can win over the majority before one of them kill her.

Green Lantern Corps #15
Having been stripped of his Ring and title, Guy Gardner decides that if somebody like Batman doesn't need power to help, neither does he. After shaking the right trees, he gets a lead to a big arms deal. He Lone Rangers himself in only to find out that he has just ruined a huge police sting. His own cop sister is the own left to handcuff him and arrest his jobless ass. Guy can never catch a break.

 Age of Apocalypse #10
The Resistance may have found a way to separate Logan from the god-power that is Apocalypse. In the hope of doing, it, Sabretooth blows himself up to give Jean Grey the time to be brought in. Her marriage to Logan may be the key in but her tenacity and leadership is the real reason she's been kept around. Hopefully she survives long enough for it to be true.


Winter Soldier #13
Stupid Bucky went and got himself all mind controlled again. Which lead to some great fighting and great insight/writing but not much story progression. After he's brought back, he, Wolverine, Captain America and Hawkeye all set out to bring back Black Widow from her mind control (which was the initial story after all).

 Artifacts #23
Tom Judge, after fighting the demon, is taken in along with said possessed man by the police. After excising the demon, he knows that it's just of things to come and that the Angelus is the big worry. Not much story this issue but great lead into things that should be coming.

Trailer Watch: Man of Steel #2

The full length Man of Steel trailer is now out and I'm happy to share the glory of it. The beginning is a bit corny but I don't care. It goes to NB-inspired very quickly.

Trailer Watch: Star Trek Into Darkness

This was released yesterday and I approve. I was never a Trek fan but loved the last movie so really, I'll be on for any others that they bring out.

Reason 127 Amazing the Comic Sucks

For some reason, people are loving Dan Slott's Amazing Spider-Man but I find it utter cow pie (pun intended). It's regressed the character back to the flimsy gimmicks of the 90's. On top of that, I can't get over the blatant inconsistency of the newest hero it introduced, Alpha. Peter somehow created this kid after an experiment of his was sabotaged and it gave the kid alpha-level powers (which apparently is a first in the Marvel U and makes him the most powerful..... cough-bullshit-cough). But here's how they explained what he can do (in a nice collage I made):

Here is the only limitation that he has:

Now here's how he took down the monster at the end:

With one punch! That's at least flight and super-strength. On top of that, I would say it's also safe to assume his force-field was intact since the gigantic impact didn't liquefy him on impact. That's a count of three powers at once, in my opinion. And one issue later, we're reminded by the Jackal (who is back and cloning again. Hello 90's my old friend...) that he can only use one power. Now, I know that stories are inconsistent all the time but they're usually not done 13 pages apart. Maybe most people allow that kinda shit to happen but not me and especially not with an "alpha-level" hero introduced in that same issue. Somebody needs to tell Marvel that Slott sucks and that I shall continue to hate it until he leaves. Which is likely to never happen.

NB of the Week

Avengers #1 - Avengers World
Written by Jonathan Hickman
Drawn by Jerome Opena
 SPOILS BE AHEAD
Marvel kicks off their twice-monthly, Marvel NOW launch of the Avengers by bringing on the amazing Hickman (who made the Fantastic Four relevant and badass again) and Opena (who stunned the art world when Marvel brought him to Uncanny X-Force) to their billion-dollar franchise and it couldn't have been a bigger hit.
As the issue begins, we start at some point in the future, talking about how things have changed and what events may have been the start. As it brings us back to present day, we are told it all started with two men and an idea of being bigger. That if things are going to continue escalating, that the Avengers must be bigger in order to confront it.
We move forward one month to find new baddies, The Garden, on Mars after they have terraformed it, turning the red planet fully green. Seemingly lead by Ex Nihilo, he, a robot named Aleph and a lady who smokes black (think the smoke monster from LOST but human... Kinda...) have launched a bomb at Earth that will do exactly what they did to Mars in the hope to build a new world. Charge in the Avengers: Cap, Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, Widow and Hulk. They first stop the "origin bomb" and then go after the attackers. Though it wouldn't be a very creative start if that were it. After defeating all the Avengers, they take the beaten body of Captain America, strap him in the quinjet and send him back.
"These heroes were the best you had to offer. And they were found... Wanting."
Three days later, Cap thinks back to the conversation he and Tony had about being bigger. What that gives us may be the coolest, three-page ending in a comic in a very long time;
"It was a summoning.  He was the first -- our very best. So when he called, what hero would not answer? It started with an idea. The spark that started the fire was expansion. Our captain spoke, and gave the idea form. He said the words, and made it real. He said...
Assemble at dawn.
And how could we not? We were Avengers."
This issue was brilliant. I can't say it enough. It had every beat you would expect and so much more and even when you were expecting it, Hickman delivered on a level that is rarely seen. When we get that final page (side picture), I had my goosebumps pecking for more. Here were our boys, in war and in trouble and Captain America just gathered the cavalry for the rescue charge. All we needed was the "dun dundun-duuun dun" music that plays when the helicopters come in to save the day in every war movie (and whose name is not known by anybody). This is the Avengers any fan could want and yet a completely new one that everybody should be reading.
For me, this is hands down the best Marvel Now start so far.

Boobs of the Day

I saw this lovely picture completely out of context from any reason for having it and I don't care. I'm prepared for all the restraining orders that shall follow.

NB of the Week

Thor: God of Thunder #2 - The God Butcher Part 2
Written by Jason Aaron
Drawn by Esad Ribic
Having set up all three time-periods with the first issue, Aaron begins to spread things out a little more, with 99% of this issue being in Thor's youth. Having not been deemed worthy to wield Mjolnir yet, Thor takes his heavy ax Jarnbjorn to go fight some Gods. arriving and only having found "Slavs with spears", he doesn't let his viking men fight yet. Flying down from the sky come the winged steed of Perun the Storm Lord. It has no rider and blood splattered across it. Taking the horse, Thor leaves for the skies, looking for his Gods to fight and giving me my favorite quote from of the series so far,
"The clouds drip with blood. Godblood. Immortals have died in these skies today . And it would appear the rain of death has just begun."
What he finds up there is the headless body of Chernobog the Black followed by a quick attack by Gorr the Butcher. We then get eight pages of beautiful fighting and a finale of Thor showing Gorr what he's the exact God of (as seen in the side picture). We then get a page of present-day Thor defeating the Hound of Gorr (another badass name) and wanting to finish that which he started long ago. A quick panel of future Thor fighting an army of the Hounds and we're left with young Thor lying beat and motionless is the snow, Gorr nowhere in sight.
 Jason Aaron is a vicious writer. His pace is quick and his story is blunt but it's of the absolute most fun. With the first issue being more or less equal story between the three periods, I'm assuming that the next bit will be slowly showing not only Thor's growth as the God of Thunder but Gorr's growth as one of the more ruthless killers he's had to face. The Gorr we see now is cocky and quick and does things himself, almost as though he's still starting. Seeing one Hound in  present and an army in the future, his rise must have come covered in death and I'm excited to see it. I actually saw a review at a site I frequent and they gave it a 4/10 and I have to just laugh and wonder what Thor book they read to be so far from the reaction I got from it. I still say this is the best Marvel NOW book that has been put out (I expect that to change one Hickman's Avengers and New Avengers starts up next month).

boobs of the Day

Milla Jovovich
After watching the abysmal Three Musketeers from last year, I wanted to hurt something. I felt like punching a cute cuddly puppy, that's how bad it was. The one redeeming factor? The gorgeous Milla Jovovich (another lady that I argue with others over). Though not right next to her, I have actually seen her in person and she was even hotter. Proving that less can indeed be more, the lovely Milla Jovovich is happily accepted into the club.

NB of the Week

Uncanny X-Force #34 - Final Execution: Chapter Ten
Written by Rick Remender
Drawn by Phil Noto

SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU ONLY GET THIS ONE WARNING IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW THE EVENTS IN THIS ISSUE.

I've tried to not love this book so much. I want to give other titles a fair chance, I really do. But sometimes you just can't help but love that which you love and I think I have found that love.
Evan has donned the Apocalypse suit and now the Shadow King will be able to control him and take everything that Brotherhood has ever wanted. But this is mother-flippin' X-Force. EVA is going after Nightcrawler for putting his revenge ahead of the team (Hell, ahead of the world's safety) but even after she stabs him through the torso, he 'ports away, grabbing his "mother" Mystique and heading off somewhere else. Psylock takes down the Omegas and Shadow King, cuz she's a ninja badass. Those were cool but not the big parts.
As Evan goes after Skinless Man, Skinless leads him to the dead body of his dead Uncle Cluster, Fantomex. He offers Evan Fantomex's heart,m saying that he can still bring him back but then crushes it just to disappoint him. Well the jokes on him, for as he turns and runs, good 'ol Wade is standing there, now shoving a sword through Skinless' neck.
"That's for Fantomex. Probably goes without saying."
Deadpool then goes and frees Wolverine before he drowns. As Deadpool tries to give him the rundown, Logan just walks away. With his son Daken already making his escape, it's safe to assume he's following. As the two meet again, Wolverine does his best to stay in check and not let the rage out. Daken doesn't fare as well and Logan knows the only way out is the hard way. After some good slashin' from both sides, Logan turns the table and shoves his son down, submerging him in water. Daken's words from the last issue about wanting a normal life with his parents repeat as Logan sees those visions, crossed between him killing his son. Until both slip away. As Logan holds the dead body of his son, Sabretooth comes up, revealing that he set all this up for this moment. He wants Logan to see this in his head for every night to come. In comes Evan, beating the loving crap outta Victor until Wolverine pulls him off.
"Look around you, son. This is revenge. This is what it gets."
The team rejoins on their ship along with the body of Fantomex and Evan. Psylock leaves her sword behind. Wade sits, finally not making a wisecrack. And Wolverine, still messed up and not healed, is left with his thoughts of a family that should have been.
I really can't say anything new here that I haven't already said many times before. I'll probably cry once this series is over (one more issue still) but shall always have it to reread over and over. As you should too.

An Army of Four

Yeah. This finally happened. There's probably only two people out there who think its as cool as I do but that's why it's my membership and not yours.

Boobs of the Day

Starling from Birds of Prey

As I try to catch myself up on all the DC comics that I've not touched since the relaunch, I have come across a pretty good book in Birds of Prey. Before this series, I had read very few issues of the team ("Oh snap! You shot the wrong ho!" is a good reason why...) but I'm a bit taken back by this one. It's a great, fun read with some great, ass-kicking chicks. My favorite so far is the newly created Starling. There's just something about badass chicks with guns and tats. Pretty certain she's a lesbian in the series but it's not like that's the reason to feel ashamed about this.

NB of the Week

Thor: God of Thunder #1 - The God Butcher Part 1
Written by Jason Aaron
Drawn by Esad Ribic
As the Marvel NOW relaunches start to overwhelm us already (two last week, four this week, four or five covers each and most having a second issue scheduled again this month), Marvel has been hitting 'em for the most part. Taking the cake this week is the start of the new Thor series, God of Thunder from gritty writer Jason Aaron (Scalped, Wolverine and the X-Men) and darkly detailed artist Esad Ribic (Loki, Silver Surfer: Requiem).
The issue begins 893 AD off the coast of Ireland. A Frost Giant has been wrecking havoc and it falls on Thor to smite the creature (essentially it was part of the story of Beowulf). As the drinking and celebrating of the giant's death run, it is brought to everybody's attention that a body has washed ashore. The villagers assume it's the washed up remains of a shipper who has fallen prey to the ocean but Thor knows better. This of the head of a God.
Cut to present day Thor as he answers the prayers of a little girl (though alien and not female looking at all but I digress) and brings water and aid to a dying planet and it's people. When he asks an elder why the child prayed for him and not one of their Gods, he is told that they believed Thor and his stories to be just that because they have no Gods. He tells of stories his mother had passed down about such beings who lived in jeweled castles in the clouds. After leaving, Thor takes to the skies to look for the missing Gods. As he feared, he has found the clouded realm but no sign of any life. Until he notices a chained door when no other door has been that way. Upon breaking in he finds the dead bodies of the Gods long forgotten, hung from the tops on meat hook. Somebody took their time. Somebody butchered these Gods (it actually sounds a bit silly saying that aloud but it's damn cool). As he realizes this, he is attacked by a beast. Not the Butcher himself but his "guard dog".
As that fight rages, we now go "Many Millennia From Now" in Asgard. An old and very Odin-looking Thor sits on the throne, the apparent last God. The Butcher's hoard surrounds outside. If this is going to be his last fight, he shall die a warrior's death;
"I am Thor Odinson. King of a broken Asgard. Last of all the Gods. And today I will try yet again to see Valhalla."
Having lost an arm at some point, he attaches his replacement (making us wonder what happened to the rest of the Destroyer) and charges into an entire army of those guard dogs we saw earlier.
Jason Aaron, in one issue and not even having shown him has made us fear the God Butcher. The amazing art of Ribic sets the tone for us as nothing shows us hope for this villain. Everything about the art screams "terror" and Aaron plays on that perfectly. Much like Uncanny Avengers, this story was mostly setup and I mostly didn't care. It was amazing and I'm very excited for what comes from Gorr the God Butcher and where Jason Aaron takes us with Thor.

Boobs of the Day

Alexa Vega
Yeah I first saw her in Spy Kids when she was only 13. Yeah I feel a little creepy drooling over her now despite the legal age. Yeah I'm seeing Machete Kills and hoping for more skin. Yeah it's gonna be hot where I end up going. Yeah it'll be worth it.

Trailer Watch: World War Z

Count me in.

NB of the Week

Uncanny X-Force #33
Written By - Rick Remender
Drawn By - Phil Noto
Everything is coming to it's end. As the Brotherhood tries to take Evan as their new leader and sway him into becoming Apocalypse one more, Wolverine and the gang try their best to save him, as well as the world. Wolverine and Daken have a surprisingly pleasant talk about not being a part of each other's lives. AoA Nightcrawler teleports a shark into AoA Blob (for killing his wife, naturally). Daken decides to show Evan that killing Wolverine is easy when all you have to do is drown him. He then beats the snot outta Even for not killing him in order to save Wolverine (nice double-edged sword there) and leaves him with the still beaten Deadpool. Even feels he has no choice to save anybody except for putting on the dreaded Apocalypse suit and giving into his power.
We have one more issue left next month before Remender's run is finished and Uncanny X-Force is relaunched as part of the Marvel NOW! banner and I couldn't be more excited. Saddened too, obviously, but so excited to see what's in store for this ending. Remender has crafted a near perfect series for the last 3 years and everything has been slowly building up to this. I've said it this whole time and I shall continue to say it now: read this book.

NB of the Week

Masters of the Universe: The Origin of Skeletor #1
Written By - Joshua Hale Fialkov
Drawn By - Frazer Irving
To go along with the mini that DC has used to launch the MoTU property, they have decided to start some one-shots that retell character origins (though He-Man and Skeletor may actually be the only two planned) and they could have started off with a better one.
 The issue begins with the extremely gnarly (yeah, I just used the word gnarly) shot of Keldor's face beginning to burn off, no word at all as to how it actually happened. Through the burning the issue, we get flashbacks of him as a child, along with 1/2-brother to Randor. As the bastard child of the king and a "sub-human", Keldor has no claim to the throne, even as the first born son. As a soldier of Hordak comes for the prince, Keldor defends his brother. Even though Rando wants to give credit to Keldor as it should be, Keldor lets the king give to Randor, as with everything else in life. As the current, burning Keldor slums his way to the throne room, he is met by King Randor. Having lost all hope of ever being help by the kingdom, Keldor stabs his brother as he tries to help him, claiming "we shant meet again". As Keldor disappears with the bloody knife (needing the blood of Randor for some reason), we see he has went for the aid of the evil Hordak. In a scene strait from Star Wars, Hordak has turned Keldor into his apprentice, the sworn enemy of the Kingdom Eternia: Skeletor!
The issue's first two pages set the mood perfectly;
"And so this is the death of Keldor. First son of King Miro, brother to King Randor.
The Scientist.
The Scholar.
The General.
The obvious heir to the throne of Eternia. The half-breed bastard child of a king and a creature the world has deemed sub-human. I fancy other names for myself.
Keldor the Mighty.
Keldor the Destroyer.
Keldor the King.
Instead it will be Keldor the Fallen. Keldor the Weak. Keldor the Liar.
Keldor the Betrayer.
I will make this right. I will fix my legacy."
Not only was this an amazing retooling of Skeletor's origin, but the writing and art were flippin' pinpoint. each word added more hatred to the fallen son Keldor. Each page brought to life the grim world that he lives in. If this is what DC has in store for the Masters of the Universe world, count me in. and if they decide to put Fialkov onto an ongoing for it, they will get my money each issue.

New Wars to Come

It was announced to day that Disney has bought Lucasfilm for $4.05 billion & stock. Along with Star Wars, this now gives Disney not only STar Wars but films like Indiana Jones. More over, Episode VII is now slated for a 2015 release, with VIII and IX planned for every two or three years after that. Lucas himself will still serve as creative consultant for the movies.
"For the past 35 years, one of my greatest pleasures has been to see Star Wars passed from one generation to the next," Lucas is quoted in Disney's press release. "It's now time for me to pass Star Wars on to a new generation of filmmakers. I've always believed that Star Wars could live beyond me, and I thought it was important to set up the transition during my lifetime. I'm confident that with Lucasfilm under the leadership of Kathleen Kennedy, and having a new home within the Disney organization, Star Wars will certainly live on and flourish for many generations to come."
Disney, having bought Marvel, may have new plans in store for the Dark Horse comic lines but no word was given.
I may be one of the few, but I'm all for new Wars in most any way and the fact that new blood is gonna be behind it can't be a bad thing.

Trailer Watch: Evil Dead

Truth be told, I have never been the biggest fan of the original Evil Dead trilogy. Not that they're bad or anything, I've just never got into 'em like everyone else. This new one, however, has my spine all tingly. This looks damn awesome.
(Tis the Red Band trailer that follows, which is a bit vulgar and quite bloody & disturbing towards the end . Watch at your own risk...)

Boobs of the Day

Jennifer Carpenter
Miss Carpenter is here for one reason: Debra Morgan. While she has a weird beauty to me (including a slightly lazy eye...), the character Deb Morgan from Showtime's Dexter wins me over. She's a tough as nails, take no shit kinda woman. And I curse in respect of her. Her foul mouth is the kinda talk that puts sailors to shame and it's a huge part of why she's hot to me. That and her amazing body. While her teletubbies may not be the largest ever, her tight, flat stomach makes 'em that much more eye-catching. Watch the show at some point. Hopefully you see what I mean.

NB of the Week

Run Down Time
SPOILS AHEAD AS ALWAYS

Artifacts #22 - Blood Rites: Part 1
Tom Judge is still trying to find the place in this new universe for the 13 Artifacts. Working for the FBI, Judge gets the call to check out a murder, which turns out to be the first in a group of sacrifices. The one behind it all? Satan. I think. Or at least a big demon that Judge is familiar with. Marz's writing is amazing and the painting of Stjepan Sejic is breath-taking. Literally. I choked.

Avengers #32 - End Times: 2
An emergency signal from an Avenger's beacon has come in but it's an old one. And it's coming from Inner Space (not the movie). And it's location is the exact spot where The Wasp was killed. And that's because it's her signal from Inner Space and she's still alive. Not a real big surprise but it's good to have her back.

Captain America #19
Steve visits William Burnside (the Cap from the 50s while Steve was frozen) to try and relieve him of his burden. His fight is done and it's time to get the rest he deserves while others take the weight of it. And with that good bye, we get the final issue of Ed Brubaker's brilliant eight year run on Cap. It's been an amazing ride and this farewell is no disappointment.

FF #23 - Run
Another finale to a great series, Older Franklin from the future does his best to give the while family a great sendoff before he finally leaves them. A lot of good wrap-ups for Hickman's run on the Future Foundation. It's a shame Fraction is changing it completely for the relaunch (a team now consisting of Ant-Man, She-Hulk, Medusa and Miss Thing - a lady in a Thing suit...)

Punisher: War Zone #1 (of 5)
With the last issue of regular Punisher, Frank has been framed for the murder of some cops. Spider-Man feels it's time the Avengers finally step in a show that it's not alright for him to continue killing. Yeah, good luck with that message, Spidey. Rucka begins his last story before Punisher gets messed up and joins the new Thunderbolts (consisting of Red Hulk, Deadpool and Elektra... Yay.)

Red Lanterns #13 - Eyes Without a Face
After her family is killed and she's taken by a gang as a slave, a young lady finds her hatred to be enough to call the Red Lanterns to come and find her the justice she seeks (in awesome, brutal fashion). Too bad the Third Army comes along and try to stops them. This is the concept I've been waiting for. They sold me this book based on the premise that the Red Lanterns would be seeking justice for the rage they felt from everywhere and this is it. Awesome issue and I hope it stays down this path.

Secret Avengers #33 - Rise of the Descendants
Remender begins to bring the series to it's end (before another relaunch) in loud, Remender fashion. Father and his robot followers are taking everything they need in order to finally see his master plan finally happen. Can the Secret Avengers stop it before it's too late? Probably.

Ultimates #17 - United We Stand: Part Two
Turns out Thor's son, Modi has an Infinity Gem (or at least the Mind Gem, not quite sure if the Infinity Gems all exist in the Ultimate-verse) and he uses it to his fullest, taking control of many civilians and his dear old daddy. Can Cap and the Avengers stop Thor and his son before Modi remakes America as his new Asgard? Probably.

Bowie Can Suck It

It's a bit surprising to me how beautiful I found this but that's what it is. Beautiful and graceful and just amazing.

The Voice of an Angel

I was watching The Soup the other day and heard part of this song. Needless to say I ran out and found it immediately in order to spread it further. Enjoy the music of the heavens.

NB of the Week

Hawkeye #3 - Cherry
Written By - Matt Fraction
Drawn By - David Aja
As a matter of perspective, I own 4 issues of the Vision, 15 of Black Widow, 21 of the Sentry, 67 of Iron Man, 141 of Hulk, 143 of Thor and 161 of Captain America. Hell, I even have five issues of She-Hulk and she is literally just Hulk with boobs (though that's not as bad when I put it like that...). Including this issue #3, I now have three issues of a solo Haweye. It half pleases and half pains me to admit that this is easily the best 'Avengers' book being put out right now.
Each issue has been simple, one-shot stories setting up the man behind the mask and it's an approach that's nailing it outta the park. In this issue, we get Clint as he shows us the many mistakes one man can make in a day. Sexy ladies. Sex with ladies. Trick arrows. Track-suit bad guys (apparently a common thing to wear) who call every one "Bro". Not to mention the best placed censor ever in a comic (as shown at the bottom).
Matt Fraction has made Hawkeye a relevant Avenger again. He's always been a second-rate, team player in my book. I enjoyed him in the movie and am more than willing to give him chances but it's never worked for me like it does here. He's an every-man like no other Avenger can be and Fraction makes him somebody you want to relate to. I read elsewhere that he is the Han Solo or the Mal Reynolds of the team and I couldn't agree more. You want to hear the crazy tales he spouts, not caring if they're even true or not.
It's quick, it's witty, it's brilliant story-telling. This is everything that a character like Hawkeye can be and I'm hoping that my collection number on him does nothing but grow for a long time (assuming they don't change writers on us).

Boobs of the Day

Genesis Rodriguez
I got to watch Will Ferrell's Casa de mi Padre and while I found it quite humorous, I couldn't stop looking at the lead female, Miss Rodriguez. Smokin' hot and full of those lovely curves I enjoy oh so much. I'll let her be the salsa on my chip any day (is that racist?).

Clif-Notes: Argo

Ben Affleck should stick to directing and his acting should be limited to only those movies. I said it with The Town and Argo just reaffirms it.
During the Iranian revolution in 1979, amid all the American hostages taken, six were able to sneak out the back and were lucky enough to find shelter in the Canadian Ambassador's house. Ten months later, the government calls on a CIA extractor (Ben Affleck) to concoct a plan to get in there and get em out before they are found and killed. His idea? He comes in, posing as a movie producer and gets them out as they all pretend to be part of the movie crew. It's based on a real story that was classified until Clinton declassified it in 1997.
This was an amazing movie. I'm not one to get down into the crevices of how a movie is made or what technicalities are there but whatever was used, absolutely worked. Tense is probably the best word to describe Argo. I felt scared and nervous throughout the movie for these characters. Every corner was looked at with skepticism, every stare from another person was terrifying. It was a movie where you could just feel the tension and every word could be that last spark that sets the entire plan ablaze.
And the dark humor was perfectly placed. There weren't that many people in the theater and I was probably the youngest one in the bunch but I was the only one laughing. At all. Through the entire movie. Apparently you're not allowed to laugh at lynch mobs but that's exactly what should happen.
Plain and simple, see this movie. It was great. I'm not the best wordsmith so those are about how well I can say it. Amazing. Awesome. Totally sweet.
And if you don't wanna see the movie, to take a phrase from the movie, you can Argo-Fuck-Yourself.

NB of the Week

SPOILERS AHEAD. ESPECIALLY FOR THE ENDING OF AVENGERS VS X-MEN!!!!!

Cool Concept of the Week:
Gold and Blue X-Teams
While not the best issue of the week, Ultimate X-Men was still pretty damn good. I've said how awesome it's been since Brian Wood took over and this just adds to that. Any fan of the X-Men in the 90s knows about the Gold and Blue teams (almost meaningless titles that essentially "separated" the X-Men further than the different titles did). As we join Kitty in her fight to liberate mutants from their death camps and fight for the life they deserve, she has James (Wolverine's son, if ya don't remember) and Iceman leading separate operations in order to clear all fronts. The code names for their teams? Yup. Welcome back Gold and Blue.

-One Last Warning for Spoils-
Book of the Week:
Uncanny Avengers #1 - New Union
Written By - Rick Remender
Drawn By - John Cassaday
Yeah Cyclops became the dominant host for the Phoenix (even if he meant well). Yeah he ostracized mutants even further by trying to control the whole planet (even if he meant well). Yeah he killed Professor X for trying to stop him (...even if he meant well?). Yeah he's in custody and proud of what he did (alright, the dude completely lost it). But Captain America feels he did one thing right:
He made Cap see that they hadn't done enough to help the mutant population.
As Marvel "changed" the landscape of the Marvel-U, they figured it was a perfect time to show DC how a relaunch is supposed to go. They aren't reinventing their history or changing major stories. No, they're just changing teams around, including writers and artists. To kick things off, they sent out their newest flagship book, Uncanny Avengers where mutants and Avengers alike work together to try and repair the shitstorm Cyclops started and to make a more cohesive team.
Book starts with a shadowy figure removing some body's brain and spouting out some cool, old-school diatribe about killing all mutants. They said that Red Skull from the 40s was the first villain so we assume it's him. Later, after visiting his brother, Havok is met by Captain America and Thor, asking him to lead their new team. They feel he's the perfect candidate and the only one who should. After the three of them stop an attack by old x-villain Avalanche, who appears to have had some sorta head surgery... (though he killed himself so they didn't really stop him, per se), Alex joins. We next see Scarlett Witch putting flowers at the grave of Xavier as Rogue pops in to tell her off. None of this would have happened had she not gone crazy and killed most the mutants. However, before too much arguing can happen, they're attacked by some weirdo people things that blow shit up. We see them walk away carrying Rogue and Wanda as well as a third body. We know both ladies are on the UA team so it's safe to assume they live. End of the book, we cut back to the shadowy figure going on again. As we turn to the last page, we do indeed see that it is Red Skull but it also comes with a good kicker. Strapped down in front of him is the body of Charles Xavier. In his hand, Xavier's brain.
"With the brain of Charles Xavier, the Red Skull will eradicate the mutant menace!"
Yeah. That happened.

What the hell, man?! Great albeit a bit plain first issue and then a Nazi skull-face dude holding the brain of Professor X and claiming he's gonna kill all mutants?! Makes perfect sense and is amazing! Most of all was how "plain" this book actually was. Nothing big happened other than that last page and yet I loved every page. Remender is perfect. Cassaday is perfect. This book is a great start to a "new" Marvel-U and I couldn't be more excited to see what the other new books bring.

Sweet Art

I saw some real cool Avengers pics today in which they were imagined as fantasy versions of themselves. The artist is on Deviant under theDURRRRIAN and you should absolutely look his stuff up. On his page are full versions of each of these so go do it and support his stuff somehow. Loki and Hawkeye are probably my favorites.

Brain Tunes

Papa Roach - Where Did the Angels Go
Papa Roach is a band that I claim I have never seen if asked. I wanna laugh at them when I see 'em and cry at myself for liking them. Either way, I'm loving their newest cd, The Connection. This is becoming one of my favorites from it so bare through it or I may cry.

Clif-Notes: Dredd

The only word that can accurately describe the new version of Judge Dredd is badass. That's all there is to it and that's all you need to know.
While paired with a new rookie with psychic abilities, Judge Dredd and newbie Judge Anderson check out a murder scene where three men have been skinned and thrown off a building ledge. Problem is that the housing building (hundreds of floors tall and the living space for thousands of people) is essentially ran by the ruthless MaMa who also makes the new drug SloMo there. Having one of her men for questioning and knowing what a Judge's interrogation would mean, she puts out a hit on the two Judges. Now they have to find a way to survive until they can either get out or kill their way free.
If you want a movie with ridiculous violence or ear-popping explosions, this is your movie. Could be one of the better action movies I've come across all year. And it's not just mindless violence. I mean, it kind of is but not fully. It's a "smart" movie. There's a lot of those little things that you see that show just how much detail they actually put into the fighting and the logistics behind things.
This movie was plain awesome. Lots of shit got shot and died and I Karl Urban had a moment that makes me want to see him as the new Batman (if in fact one is needed). I'm assuming that the movie will not be out for long as it didn't do very well at the boxoffice but if you get the chance, see it. You shouldn't be disappointed.

NB of the Week

Before Watchmen: Rorschach #2 (of 4)
Written By - Brian Azzarello
Drawn By - Lee Bermejo
 Through it's up and it's downs, all the minis that are in the Before Watchmen line have been fun looks into the characters of the beloved original series. While some have had their slow starts and others have be grand beginnings, none stand out for me as much as Rorschach.
When it comes to a plot, Rorschach stands one of the most basic. Evil is afoot and it stands to the crazy one to stop the vile that is in the streets. Plot is nothing new here. However, the creators on this title are the winning point. Bermejo's art is dark and gritty and rough and it makes the hatred that Rorschach feels for humanity all that more grim. His crisp lines make you feel the jointed and almost simple vision that Rorschach himself sees everything in. It's very easy to tell who the scum are.
Added with it are the equally gritty and grim words by Brian Azzarello, who may be one of the most macabre writers in the genre. Every journal entry from Rorschach screams out in the black poetry that Moore practically created for comics those 25 years ago:
"Undeniable fact that everyone denies is that at its heart, the world is a cold place. It doesnt care whether you live or die, or how you live or how you die. To the world, you don't matter. You dont matter to the person sitting next to you. They wont give their life for you. They shouldn't. Accepting this truth was liberating. Gave me clarity. Gave me a mission. I understand there are two kinds of people in this world. Victims...
And me."
As great as I have found these minis so far, nobody has nailed it the way these two have on Rorschach. I can only hope that everything ends as well as I feel it has began.

NB of the Week

The Ultimates #16 - United We Stand: Part 1
Written By - Sam Humphries
Drawn By - Luke Ross
News was released a few weeks ago that Ultimate Captain America was taking over as President of the United States. He got that call at the end of issue 15. I admit to being very hesitant towards this idea. Yeah, it seems to make sense but under the wrong writer, it could also be a train wreck and with Jonathan Hickman leaving the book a few issues ago, that was my fear. Thankfully Humphries has proven me wrong. So far.
With a quick swearing in, Cap takes off in order to take back this country. He pretty much just runs the Avengers as usual only now with highest authority in the US. He is taking names and kicking ass and the USofA is gonna be back in control in no time. Only a larger problem comes up. Thor recognized an Asgardian symbol a bit back and knows that there is still at least one more alive with him. As he follows the trail, he finds the main man behind the turmoil in the country. As he calls out Loki and demands answers, he (and I) are surprised to find that the man is not Loki but Thor's Son, Modi.
"Bow, father. Bow, and obey."
Humphries has had a hard task in writing this book. Taking over after the brilliant Hickman is difficult for most anybody and while he's been a bit "hit and miss" with it so far, this issue was definitely a hit for me. Well paced and well plotted, I can't complain much about this issue. Thor's son came outta nowhere but as a God, it makes sense that he's been planting his seed in every woman he looks at.
And I'm on board for Cap as President. Tell me where I can vote for him in November and I'm there.

Good Lordy...

The first official picture of Jackman as Wolverine from the upcoming movie The Wolverine has been released and I'm loving it. I assume it's just a promo image so some works probably been done to make it look better but I'm fine with that. My fingers are crossed that it's better than the last one (even though I liked it).

That's How I Pictured It Too

Saw this sketch today from the very talented Mike Deodato and it confirmed my question down to the tee.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

This video has been making the rounds the last few days and for good reason. Pretty damn impressive.

I Need A Fulltime Title...

There's so many weird things in comics that I'd love to try and show people. Not sure how regular it'd become (My Main Man Jackie Chan for example...) but I'd love to try. So somebody give me a cool/witty/funny name and I'll gladly steal it. Until then, ponder over how much Namor apparently loves bagels.